Doing a PhD is not just an academic journey. It’s a deeply personal one.
And it’s time we talk honestly about what that really feels like.
The Weight You Carry Isn’t Just Research
You’re not just writing a dissertation.
You might be supporting your family financially on a meager scholarship or research stipend. You’re probably saying “I’m doing okay” on the phone, even when your voice trembles. Maybe you’re working part-time, not because you want to, but because you have to. Maybe your partner doesn’t understand why you couldn’t come home for a weekend birthday—because you were running experiments or revising a paper until midnight.
And the truth is, they probably won’t understand.
Because the demands of a PhD aren’t visible from the outside. You might be misunderstood by friends, isolated in a new country, stuck between cultures, or navigating a long-distance relationship strained by time zones and uncertainty.
You’re doing all of this, while quietly carrying the weight of a future that isn’t guaranteed.
Your Peers Are Moving Ahead—But You’re Not Behind
Your college friends might be buying homes, getting promoted, climbing corporate ladders. You’re still in the lab. Or in the archives. Or teaching. Or applying for grants.
You don’t get a raise every year. Your title doesn’t change. And no, your job doesn’t “look impressive” yet—not to the world outside academia.
But let me tell you this: you are not behind.
You’re building something that takes time, effort, courage, and belief. You’re learning how to stay focused despite uncertainty, how to lead your own work, and how to think critically and independently. These are rare, powerful skills.
What’s Really the Hardest Part?
It’s not just the research. Not the deadlines. Not even the failed experiments.
The hardest part is everything else.
It’s waking up after a night of poor sleep, knowing you have to keep going. It’s the email from your advisor that makes your heart race. It’s the family emergency you can’t be there for. It’s doing your best and still feeling like it’s not enough.
On those days, it’s okay if you can’t concentrate. It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to stop working and simply be human. You are allowed to rest.
If today all you did was survive—that’s more than enough.
You Are Already Stronger Than You Think
Some of you are parenting while studying. Some are in cross-continental relationships. Some are grieving. Some are battling mental health challenges. And still—you show up. Day after day.
That, in itself, is strength.
You don’t need to achieve a perfect publication record to be proud of yourself. You are already doing something extraordinary.
Please, Don’t Sacrifice Yourself
Your health matters. Your relationships matter. Your peace matters.
A PhD can be rewarding, yes. But it is not worth losing yourself. It is not worth your mental health. It is not worth being in constant pain—emotional, physical, or spiritual.
If you’ve been wondering whether you can keep going:
Take a breath. Step back. And ask yourself not just what you need to do—but what you need. You matter, beyond your research.
A Few Gentle Solutions for a Difficult Time
You may not be able to solve everything at once. But there are small, meaningful steps you can take:
1. Financial Pressure
If you must support family, and the stipend isn’t enough, consider part-time work—only if it’s absolutely necessary. Try to choose something low-stress or related to your field. Even 1–2 days a week can help without burning you out. But if you do have a choice—prioritize finishing your research and improving your skills.
2. Physical Health
You don’t need to run marathons. A simple walk in the park, light jogging, or stretching at home can do wonders. Being in nature—even for 20 minutes—can lift your mood and relax your body. Dopamine, released through mild exercise, can restore the sense of joy that stress takes away.
3. Mental Health
Anchor your focus. If your top priorities are research and family—center your life around just those. Minimize distractions. Breathe deeply. Practice mindfulness. Even 10 minutes of meditation each day can help you feel grounded.
Remind yourself:
I’m doing my best. That’s enough for today.
4. Relationships
Stay in touch with loved ones, even briefly. A call, a voice message, a shared laugh—they remind you that you’re not alone. You don’t need a crowd. Just a few people who truly care.
If you feel isolated in your university community, consider attending small social gatherings—not as an obligation, but as self-care. You deserve joy, connection, and celebration too.
Don’t Let Judgment Define You
If people don’t understand what you’re going through, that’s okay. If they criticize or question your path, that’s on them—not you. If someone makes you feel less because you don’t “earn enough” or “aren’t done yet,” remember: you are living your truth.
Real friends will respect your journey, even if they don’t fully understand it.
And family—though not always perfect with words—loves you in ways deeper than we sometimes realize.
A Fixed Mindset Will Trap You
When things feel impossible, it’s easy to spiral. To feel like you’re failing. Like you’ll never finish. Like something’s wrong with you.
But that’s just the fixed mindset talking.
Pause. Step back. List the most important things in your life right now.
Prioritize those. Let the rest fall away.
You don’t need to fix everything today. You only need to keep going.
When You Look Back, You’ll Be Proud
Right now, it might feel like everything is falling apart.
But one day, you’ll look back and see how strong you were. How you carried yourself through the storm. How you didn’t give up—even when you thought you might.
In that moment, you’ll realize:
You didn’t just earn a degree. You earned yourself.
Final Words: Please Take Good Care of Yourself
Doing a PhD is hard. It asks a lot of you.
But your worth is not tied to your publications. Your value is not based on your progress chart.
You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to feel lost. You are allowed to ask for help.
And above all—you are allowed to take care of yourself.
So today, please be gentle with your heart.
Rest, recharge, and remember: you are already doing enough.
💬 Share your experience in the comments below!
🔔 For more tips on academic life, motivation, and productivity during grad school, don’t forget to subscribe.
On the go? Catch the audio/video version on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4R2-1sNtKE— perfect for staying inspired during your commute or workout!
English